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L.Bow/ Cojer
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!@#$
A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
-
Agata
A little Ann, which is a girl without hands, is comin`to the kitchen and asks her mum "May I have some cookies before the dinner?" And mum replies "Of course honey, but firts- wash your hands, please." So Ann cries "Mum! But I have no hands!" And mum answer her blandly " No hands, no cookies." -
mysz
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johnny...
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mysz
It's my maths teacher joke xD
Another one - how many seconds there is in the year?; ] -
olka
funny translations :
alkoholik wracający z jamajki poszukuje roomu do wynającia
dziękuję z góry: thank you from the mountain
do you remember the scene from bridget jones diary, when her friends are telling her how to behave on the party. when you present people to each other try to tell couple of words about them f.e. this is jean, jean comes from new zealand and likes listen to rock musik, and this is tom tom is a lawyer he comes from new york. and then bridget tells something about daniel cleaver (hugh grant) - this is my divine boss who comes all over your face which was translated : to mój boski szef który pochodzi z orgazmowa....
buhahaha -
mysz
"tłumaczenie" znalezione na jakimś polskim photoblogu w tytule
zamysł: przyjaciółki na zawsze
popełnione: friends on always :P
albo z "be cool"
english: be cool; polish translation: spadaj.
>.< :D -
ohydna
>m.sh napisała:
>Did you now why six was afraid of seven?
>Because 7 8 9...
ass. is it the same teacher as i had last year? Finish it -one? :------D -
Anonim
Did you know that in India and in Africa there are such giant ants, that people ride them and make them carry very big luggage? They are quite dangerous, because they can easily kill a human. It's a special race of ants. They are called "eleph ants". -
2f4u
how do u know a blond has been in your office?
- here is white out on your computer screen; -D
why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
- hey think their picture is being taken
what do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
-u always hear about them but you never see them
may be? :>
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SID
From South Park :D
1: Do you Like FishSticks (Fishsticks - paluszki rybne) ( Fish't"icks - FishDicks)
2: Yes
1: Do you Like to put Fish't'icks in your mouth?
2: Yes
1: So You Are Gay Fish! :D -
Showstoppa
A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Canada folk eat the whole bread??"
Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We dont. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Canadian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Dya eat jelly with the bread??"
Canadian: "Of Course." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We dont. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."
The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Canadian: And what do you do with the condoms once you ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Canadian: "We dont. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America." -
aleks
Can somebody explain me the american joke 'thats what she said'. i dont get it :// -
Anonim
you can always ask Auntie Google, She anwers all questions
that's what she said: the most versatible joke on Earth
it makes no sense to me -
daga
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